Hey everyone!
I haven't left for London yet, still prepping. In the past few weeks, my whole life has been work, working out, and trying to sleep.
Work has been really busy, because a lot of vacations are going on. While I appreciate it, I think I'm starting to understand what they mean when they say real life work is different from school. Nearly 40 hours a week, on your feet (depending on your job), all day, doing whatever you do there. Like I said, I appreciate the extra money, but...it's not going to be enough. To be honest, I'm really anxious that I will not have all the spending money I will need while I'm there. Nobody else understands this, but I'm going to be alone in a place where I have to buy my own groceries/lunch/dinner every day of the month. I will be going out to eat, doing a lot of events, and all of these things are pretty expensive. London is probably one of the most expensive places to live- which is why I don't understand why people don't understand my anxiety about it. Maybe I'm obsessing...I don't know. I'm hoping it will all work out somehow, because life does that sometimes.
Working out isn't going so bad, but my eating isn't either. When I weighed in this morning, I was back at 251 pounds, which really bothers me. I was finally doing so great and now I've fallen again. But if I give up, nothing will change and I need to just keep pushing myself further and make sure I eat healthier and don't fall back into the trap. The worst part is I haven't told anyone because I think they would all be really upset that I had finally lost a few pounds and then accidentally gained them back. I'm not sure how I feel about it; the whole point of London is to show people that I can be independent, confident, and hard-working, in ways they haven't seen me. That I can get rid of my toxic relationships, move past them, and become someone who is truly happy. And while AJ (my fiance) has helped with it, I think I'm the only person holding myself back. The only way to move forward is to fight myself; as they say, you are your own worst enemy.
Sleep...hahaha, that's a funny concept. What's that mean? I think I've had maybe two full nights of sleep in the last week! Between working, going to my internship, watching TV with AJ, working out, and reading, I'm not really having any free time, and I'm still trying to pick up a second job! Everybody has been telling me not to spread myself too think and I think it may be time that I start listening to them.
On the bright side, Mom got me a guide to Britain from Half-Price Books (that lovely, lovely place)! I am really enjoying it- it has the history of all the sites that I may be going to and certain attractions that are free. As much as I am anxious about not having enough money, etc, I really, really can't wait to leave for London. I just wish AJ were coming, too, because that would be the icing on the cake!
All right, well, I hope you enjoyed the update! I hope everyone is having a great summer so far!
Renee M.
